Hope's Birth Story - Part 1

Disclaimer: This is a birth story. So, it's going to be kind of gross (in a wonderful way). Also, it does not get R rated until Part 2.

Hope's due date was May 19th. At the time, she was named "Either Hope or Juliette" if anyone asked, but in my heart I knew her name was Hope. As the date got closer I began to wonder when this little girl would arrive. Jackson had been premature, and I assumed she would make an early appearance as well. But as the weeks ticked on, I got the feeling that she was going to keep us waiting. It's never too soon to have a prerogative, right? And hers was clearly, "Hold your horses, mom". When I went in for my 39 week check up on May 11th, the Doctor and I discussed inducing. I had been hovering back and forth with some potential Preeclampsia symptoms, although it looked like things were going to be fine. To be on the safe side, we decided to induce that weekend. Afterwards, I called my husband (who was at home with our little guy) to let him know.  Although this news was not surprising, it did make him a bit nervous.

Jackson being swallowed by the baby belly, a few days before she arrived

We went through our schedule for the next few days and wrote out a list of 'To Dos'. As we made our plans, we realized that Jack and our soon-to-arrive-baby-girl's journeys into the world were turning out to be quite different. With Jack we were caught off guard when 6 weeks ahead of schedule he decided to arrive. We had nothing prepared. (Click here for Jack's Birth Story. Part two. Part three.)

But with this pregnancy we had spent the last several months making sure every detail was ready. And now we even knew the exact date she would be arriving. Part of me wished for that long anticipated and spontaneous moment when you 'just know' that labor is coming. I had been wondering for months about what the moment would be like when she decided to join this world. What would I be doing? Would my water break suddenly like a popped balloon as it did with Jackson, or would it be a slower, more typical labor experience? But, for many reasons, it made sense to have her induced and we were definitely ready to welcome her! What opposites these two babies (and pregnancies) were turning out to be!

Later that night Brent and I took turns not sleeping. He woke up at 1:00 am and didn't come back to bed for a couple more hours. Then I couldn't sleep, so I got up and went to the living room where I sat on the couch and started to cry. The end of pregnancy can feel like a departure and a goodbye. Which is so odd because you are about to meet your child! And yet. Suddenly you feel alone, and like you are losing something. You feel the need to just rub your belly, and tell this little one who has been taking over everything inside of yourself that you will be there on the other side, waiting for them. You hope your arms are good enough, safe enough, to protect them on the outside just as you did when they lived inside you. But you know it won't be the same. Nothing will ever be as comfortable, as easy, as perfect for them like that bubble, literally, they have been living in. It will be life: huge and unexpected and uncontrollable. With no walls and no promises and no safety nets. While thinking all these deep thoughts, the tears started to flow and I released 9 months worth of hormones and emotions. All at once and while watching sappy homemade You Tube videos of other people's random kids as inspiration for my own imaginary montage of post birth photos with THIS SONG playing on repeat.

* * *

When the next day finally arrived, we had several hours to fill. We were not scheduled to arrive at the hospital until 7 pm. Besides taking random belly shots in the bathroom mirror from every possible angle, there was not much left to do.

Random belly shot, last day of pregnancy, shortly before we left for the hospital

My goal for the day was to spend time with Jackson. I wanted to give him all of my attention, albeit distracted, and prepare him (for the seventieth time) for his sister's arrival. We stopped by a friend's house in the neighborhood who was having a garage sale. She piled my arms up with tons of maternity & nursing tops. Jackson played tractors with several little boys sitting on a huge pile of gravel. Then we were off to do some last minute shopping and I willingly gave in to every candy / small toy request. It was our special day, and there was no room for rules or self restraint. I pestered him for a thousand hugs and told him how special he was. Just thinking about being away from him for the next couple of nights made me nervous and I started to miss him, even with his little hand right there, holding mine.

What's more exciting than a lolly pop ring? It was a 'spoiling day'.

Tractors + Gravel + Friends = 3 year old Heaven.

6pm: Brent and I dropped Jackson off at my parent's house. The plan was for him to stay there until Hope was born, and at that point Brent was going to pick him up and bring him to the hospital so he could meet his little sister with just the four of us in the room, so it wouldn't be too overwhelming. I wanted to say hi to my sister and mom before we headed out, but only my dad was at home. I don't know if it was a hormone surge or what, but I started getting weepy again as I left their house.

A Few Minutes Later: We stopped at Albertsons to grab some post-epidural reading material and fried chicken for the drive to the hospital (in case we didn't have the opportunity to eat after we arrived). I started obsessively checking the car to make sure we didn't forget anything. We had packed our digital camera, video camera, lap tops,  IPODs, IPHONES, and our I-everything-chargers. We wanted to document the labor and birth.  We went a little overboard this time, but we had regretted not bringing any of that stuff for Jack's birth. All we have from his first day are a few cell phone pictures (and we're talking flip phone pictures).

7pm: We checked in to the hospital. I immediately started taking pictures of chairs, medical equipment, and the paper print-outs that showed my squiggly-line contractions.  Brent was being just as ridiculous and began video taping the linoleum floor and the view from our room. I thought this was a great way to pretend we were on 'Baby Story'.

Baby contractions. No mountains yet!

I was really enjoying taking my pictures.

This blog posting not sponsored by wheat thins. (Obviously.)

Brent giving me encouragement.

Our lovely view

Jessica and I bonding over our new baby girls. Jennifer, you're up next.

I used this a lot.

Pretty much every Expectant Mother's emotions vs the Expectant Father's emotions.

Teresa arrived soon after to keep us company, and that's when the party began. A series of questionable video taped interviews and photos began to emerge from what I would call 'The Beginning of The Blurriness Period." Somewhere between the adrenaline, the fried chicken, and the Jessica Simpson US Weekly article we started to get a little silly.  And this was before the Ambien. So, I'll explain about that. Around 9 pm, the Nurse had come in and gave me something to 'relax my cervix' or, as I called it: "cervix chillaxin time'. Then, observing our rowdy and un-lady-like behavior, she strongly recommended I get some rest, and asked if I could use a sleeping pill. I had never taken a sleeping pill before, and I figured it would be awhile before anything got started, (I wasn't scheduled to start pitocin until 6 am the next day), so I said sure.

Me imitating a pregnancy monster. This was taken pre-drugs.

As the nurse left the room she called back, "Just buzz the Nurse's Station if you start to have hallucinations". Um, what the what? So that was the Ambien. Then I fell asleep.

...stay tuned for part 2 and some awesomely amazing video clips...

Snapshots

Shannon sent me tons & tons of baby clothes for Hope. Shannon has been my best friend for almost 19 years. But she lives in Los Angeles so we don't see each other too often. I'm so excited we both had our baby girls in the same year. Abby is 6 months older than Hope so I'm sure she will have a lot to teach her! They are coming for a visit this weekend and it will be the first time Abby & Hope meet. I am so excited, I cannot wait!

This picture is a bit old -- but I think it perfectly captures Hope & Jack's dynamic. LoL.

I've been meaning to do a post on our trip to the library (we took the bus there for fun - it's only a 5 minute trip & the bus stop is half a block from our house). I haven't had time to write the post yet so for now these pics will have to do! Little preview! Jack found these books and wanted to take them home 'for daddy'.

Someone got tired...

Back in May, just a few days before Hope was born, Brent's mom invited me to a 'tea party' at their church. They had a panel of women who spoke on the topic of 'kindness'. I loved it -- and I even won a door prize for being pregnant!

Record Party

As kids, my sisters and I used to dance on our parent's bed to the soundtrack of 'Annie' and children's albums like 'Puff the Magic Dragon'. Their room was filled with records. "Over a thousand", my dad told me when I asked how many. We did backward somersaults, catapulting ourselves with the help of the wall in front of us (the one lined with all the records). We sang along to the words as loud as we wanted. And after exhausting myself with elaborate dance moves that only a 7 year-old can think up (I can't speak for my sisters' dance moves), I would plop down and stare up, memorizing the images and words to the posters tacked to the ceiling. I don't know when I stopped dancing on their bed. But I do remember that even as a kid I knew I would never have more fun than that. I also knew that only kids could have that kind of fun.

These memories have led me to the following conclusions:

1) Jumping on beds (and couches) at my house is definitely allowed, if not encouraged. Preferably while singing "NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED".

2) A record player is a must-have for childhood sparkle, magic, rainbow fun. I just don't think IPODS and CD players have the same zing to their thing, you know?

Poster #1: I always wondered if someone was going to come along and sit down.

Poster #2: We thought the girl in the middle looked like my sister Annie, and we thought the boy with the shorts on looked like my brother Joe. And we didn't know who the other kid was.

The good news is that we do have beds in our house for jumping on. And since buying a record player for myself Brent last year for Christmas we've started building up our collection. So far we have a mix of punk rock and Irish bands (Brent's picks) and some vintage awesomeness with my finds: Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Jackson Browne, Stevie Wonder, and Tracy Chapman (if you could call Chapman 'vintage' which I'm pretty sure you can't). But even with a record shop on every corner in Eugene, acquiring kid's records has not been so easy. Now that there's TWO kids in the house (and yes, Hope is already dancing) I'm eager to start finding some cool kid records. Or maybe I can walk the six blocks to my parent's house and rummage through those THOUSANDS(!) of records to find our old favs. Dust them off and start a dance party in my new living room.

In the meantime, check out my Goodwill SCORE below from the other day. 10 records for .99 cents! Is that a deal or is that a deal? I couldn't believe it. I kept asking the clerk, "Are these really .10 cents EACH????" And he was all, "No, they are .49 cents each but ten for .99 cents." Okay, that makes no sense but obviously ten was cheaper than three and I'm no good at math so who am I to argue? I made my choices based on (1) If I knew the singer, group, or the album (2) If I thought I SHOULD KNOW the singer, group, or the album (hello Glenn Miller Orchestra) or (3) If I liked the album cover. (That didn't work out so well, not naming names GIGI).

I'm going to go jump on my couch now to a little "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Nursery

I am so happy the nursery is prepared for our little one to come home to (although she probably won't be in there much since she'll be sleeping in our room for quite awhile). Poor Jack's nursery was not anywhere near complete when he came home, and I feel like he's never had a "real" room until this house. Now both of them will have their own special place that's cozy, bright, and whimsical. The thing I love the most about her room is that everywhere I look there is a special gift or handmade item that a family member or friend gave to us. I'm so grateful that she is being welcomed into the world with all this love and I can't wait to show her each one of the special & thoughtful gifts her loved ones provided her. Thank you all so much for helping to create her special room!!

Countdown

I had high hopes to blog throughout my pregnancy with posts full of nursery updates & comparisons to last time. But. Now I'm at 32 weeks and I haven't written a thing since January. In my defense, I have been busy eating. And working. And thinking a lot about curtains.

Okay. So, I was reading an article about how Facebook is an accurate assessment of how narcissistic a person is depending on the frequency of their status updates and what they post about (IE -- themselves). I did a quick scan of my FB wall & was like, yeah, so clearly I'm self involved. I doubt I needed Yahoo News to to tell me this. But I would hate to be that person who doesn't just ACCEPT THEMSELVES FOR WHO THEY ARE so in that spirit I'm going to conduct an interview with MYSELF about how my pregnancy is going. This will be (A) really fun for me and (B) catch us all up on the last couple of trimesters in which I have failed to write anything.

What's the biggest difference between this pregnancy and the first one?
I'm expecting a daughter.
So that's different.

Also, this pregnancy is much easier than with Jack. The whole having my appendix removed at 20 weeks, recurring and random medical issues, and pre-term labor threw me for a loop last time. With this pregnancy, the months have just flown by. Most of the time I don't even feel pregnant, other than her constant poltergeist type movements inside my body.

Any food cravings?
YES. Thanks for asking.

1st trimester -- I just wanted beer. I really wanted me SOME BEER. Normally, I hate beer.

2nd trimester -- Anything salty, especially anything that included fried cheese. By month five, I nicknamed this baby "my little trucker". I also spent a lot of my time alternating between salivating over the thought of Bud Light, slim jims, nachos and pink nursery accessories. (In contrast, I just wanted apple slices and chocolate milk during my pregnancy with Jackson)

3rd trimester -- I'm averaging 5 to 7 cups of crushed ice everyday. All I want to do is eat ice. Crushed Ice. Cubed Ice. Shaved Ice. I almost ate our front lawn the other day when it snowed.

Pregnancy symptoms?
On a typical day, I feel great and enjoy feeling her constant thrashing movement. The only times I feel really 'pregnant' are at night -- that's when I tend to get back pain, some heartburn, restless leg syndrome (mild) and then of course, there is the 10 minute pee cycle WHICH JUST ROCKS. I described this awesome side effect of pregnancy here. Sleeping at night has also become more difficult, and I wake up frequently to pee or to adjust the 18 pillows I utilize to prop my belly up. But all of these things just go along with the territory and I don't really mind of any of the minor inconveniences since they are all normal pregnancy symptoms and I'm so excited that each day brings me closer to meeting my daughter.

How is Jackson reacting / processing all the changes?
I try really hard to turn the abstract of pregnancy into something tangible and real for him, so that when she comes it's not a complete shock. I explain there is a baby in my tummy, and that she's growing big enough to come out and be part of our family. There is one great blog that has a mommy with a little boy Jack's age and she has pictures with the big brother holding the baby at the hospital. I show him this blog and explain that when the baby comes he'll get to be a big brother, and hold his sister, just like the boy in the pictures. He has also been helping me with the nursery, putting the bedding together and he picked out one of his stuffed animals to share with her. He LOVES to hold my belly, talk to her, give her kisses. He comes running into our room in the morning, and says "Can I give sissy a big hug and a kiss? I'm her big brother!" We'll see how he handles it when she arrives, but I'm not too worried. I'm sure it will be a mix of emotions for him over the next year but we are very good huggers around here, so I know my little guy will get tons of attention no matter what.

Colors & themes for the nursery?
Pink & turquoise. The theme is kind of like bohemian / flowery / antique thrift store finds meets Ross.

Any names picked out?
Hope or Juliet. I also like Rory, Bailey, Cora, and Tulla. Unfortunately, Brent's golfer friends keep naming their dogs or their own kids the names I have picked out. This is making me extremely grumpy.

Any pregnancy dreams?
I dreamt right from the start I was having a little girl. All of my dreams have been very peaceful and calming. Which is really surprising because my whole life I normally have tons of nightmares and 'world ending' and 'everyone dying' type dreams. So that's a nice change of pace.

What's the birth plan?
Epidural with a side of epidural. Actually, my birth plan is just to have the baby. Everything that comes AFTER the birth is much more important to me than the actual logistics of getting her through the tunnel.

Following any mommy / baby blogs?
YES. Mommy blogs make me so happy and are a highlight of my pregnancy. As they were with Jackson. I am so grateful to my friend Andrea for exposing me to the world of blogs. The connection to other mothers' stories and journeys bring me a lot of comfort and therapy during these months. Right now I am obsessively reading:

Girls Gone Child (She just had twins)
Watch Me Grow (Another mother who has a three year old son and just had a baby girl)
Noelle, Baby on Broad (Starting her second pregnancy and also has a son / expecting a girl)
The Art of Making A Baby (This one is a hoot!)
I also really enjoy 'Moms Are For Everyone' and I just started reading 'Little Band of Brothers'. I love the fashion / decorating styles highlighted in their blogs.

Maternity Leave Plan?
I'm taking two months off, followed by one month of half time. I'll be back at work full time when she turns 3 months.

What else is happening?
We've completely changed our entire life and I couldn't be more relieved at what a difference it has made. We moved from Portland to Eugene. Our house has gone from 3000 square feet, and three floors to 1200 square feet on one floor (SO EASY TO CLEAN AND LIVE IN! I LOVE IT!). We finally have a real backyard, and live across the street from a massive park. Taking walks and being outside is so easy and wonderful. We live 6 blocks from my parents, and Brent's parents live here as well. To have so much family and friends nearby is, just, everything I hoped for. No more crazy commuting and hectic work/daycare balance. Brent is home with Jackson, and he just started preschool 2 days a week. Even if/when Brent returns to work, I think it will still be a much calmer schedule, now that we live in Eugene and it is SO EASY to get around here. I love it. Done deal. Now I am just counting down the weeks for us to become a little family of four!