Monday, October 12, 2009

Would someone like to bring me a drink?

I have not blogged in like 1000 years because I didn't want to bore you all with my drippy whining. If I've said it once, I've said it 7 times: I love my baby. I hate the side effects. Listen, I'm all amazed and stuff that my husband and I have made a PERSON out of our love. That's fantastically wierd and endlessly cool but it's also making me really tired. Like really really tired. I kind of want a trophy or a certificate or a pen that says my name on it. I'm so addicted to my kid I have a disturbing tendancy of actually enjoying it when he cries in the middle of the night, because I'm all "Yay, we get to play!!! I wonder what he'll do when he sees me come in the room? I'll bet he'll be excited to see me! My little angel doo doo goober star!!!!!"

He will never know his real name.

Also, there is this peson that shall remain un-nameless but they just had a baby and I gave him/her my understanding, full of pity "How ya doin?" look and asked, "Are you getting any sleep?" And she or he was all, "Actually, I have been getting sleep - my baby sleeps through the night." And then what happened after this clearly ridiculous statement was my eyes became all squinty, my brows met in the middle and my lips pursed together in a tight line to prevent myself from saying "YOU LIAR LIAR LYING LIAR!" Pause. And. Also. "You are getting NO SLEEP - don't lie to me you big liar that is lying right to my face. No moms are ever getting any sleep. The end. And don't pretend to be okay with it. Here, I made you a pen with your name on it, I AM SO SORRY you aren't getting any sleep." Disclaimer: I know aprox 8 people who meet the above he/really she description so if you think it's you that I'm calling a liar, that may or may not be true. Please just admit you are tired, that is all I want. On top of a small token of appreciation from the world as mentioned in the form of a pen, trophy, etc and a brimming cup of alcohol. Maybe in a sippy cup so my child won't knock it off the coffee table and spill it on the rug. Like my diet pepsi the other day.


  1. i also wish there was an 'adorable' choice when rating your blog. i miss you soooooo much!!!!!

  2. If it makes you feel better, my kid turns two today and I'm still exhausted from his first year. I think he was the worst sleeper in the whole wide world, and nothing caused me more rage than other moms who were like "I know how you feel! My kid woke up once during the last week. It was so hard." And I'm like "try every 2 hours, every night, for over a year, beeeyotch."

  3. Hmmm. Sounds like we need to get together for wine night! I'll bring the wine if you provide the sippy cups.


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